Sunday, July 8, 2012
*sigh* Why do i always have this feeling that I'm missing something? That i'm still not contented on what i already have? GAAAH >___< i'm always feeling mad this past few weeks, i don't know if my period causes me to act this way but I can no longer contain this feeling anymore. It feels like I want to distance myself from society or cry myself to sleep. I hate carrying this heavy feeling T____T
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Ephemeral
June 30, 2012. This is one of the saddest day of my life. Imagine yourself standing alone on someone's graveyard,no name carved on it, having no idea whose grave it is but felt like Losing something very important, as if a part of you was gone or sucked out... this feeling of pain which is unbearable like a thousand needles piercing your heart, Is what i'm feeling right now.
How would you feel after having something you could ever wish for but suddenly disappeared in thin air?
I don't want to absorb this feeling of losing something its too painful, I don't want to burst out crying out of the blue. I keep on telling myself that it's just life, we should learn... but it's hard. So i kept on lying, lying to myself to feel better, it worked but then truth won't stop chasing me, I wanted to yell at it " I KNOW. I KNOW ITS MY FAULT. so can you please stop chasing me?" but how could I?
I've experienced failure a lot of times when will I ever taste success? When will this misfortunes end? I think I've done something really bad to deserve this but what is it? I have so many questions in mind, but why can't anyone answer it? UGGHHH I want to yell at the world, why are you so cruel to me?? wasn't my best enough? but that would sound stupid. All this rhetorical questions is leading me no where, i can't even answer it myself. I'm so stupid, if only I've chosen it wisely then this wouldn't have happen. Now i'm going to live my life bitterly, thinking about this huge mistake i made, regretting EVERY.SINGLE.MOMENT remembering it while knowing its existence which was ephemeral. I can never consider this as learning, but I still accepted the fact that i lost it, accepting it, is the only thing you can do to act more mature like but learning from it is out of the question.
On this day onward , I'm going to have a new goal, and I will earn it. In this way, it will heal the pain that I've been feeling today and this is the only way to make it up from my past mistakes. God Bless me.
How would you feel after having something you could ever wish for but suddenly disappeared in thin air?
I don't want to absorb this feeling of losing something its too painful, I don't want to burst out crying out of the blue. I keep on telling myself that it's just life, we should learn... but it's hard. So i kept on lying, lying to myself to feel better, it worked but then truth won't stop chasing me, I wanted to yell at it " I KNOW. I KNOW ITS MY FAULT. so can you please stop chasing me?" but how could I?
I've experienced failure a lot of times when will I ever taste success? When will this misfortunes end? I think I've done something really bad to deserve this but what is it? I have so many questions in mind, but why can't anyone answer it? UGGHHH I want to yell at the world, why are you so cruel to me?? wasn't my best enough? but that would sound stupid. All this rhetorical questions is leading me no where, i can't even answer it myself. I'm so stupid, if only I've chosen it wisely then this wouldn't have happen. Now i'm going to live my life bitterly, thinking about this huge mistake i made, regretting EVERY.SINGLE.MOMENT remembering it while knowing its existence which was ephemeral. I can never consider this as learning, but I still accepted the fact that i lost it, accepting it, is the only thing you can do to act more mature like but learning from it is out of the question.
On this day onward , I'm going to have a new goal, and I will earn it. In this way, it will heal the pain that I've been feeling today and this is the only way to make it up from my past mistakes. God Bless me.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Just a part of me.
i'm tired of comparing myself to others. It always sets me in a very bad mood. I wanted to be myself, but I just can't stop worrying or over think about stuffs that I really don't want to happen. I'm too insecure and I know that every one is not perfect but with this fears interfering my emotions It will never stop haunting me. that's why every single thing that I see when someone changes is a big thing, a huge impact to my life. For some reason having this personality gave me this habit of helping others. Since, I never wanted to see someone get hurt or any relationship to fall apart,after having experience and knowing the feeling of being hurt.Seeing someone suffering always reminds me of myself and it will rewind all those painful memories that happened to me before. Relationships should be treasured especially with the bonds you created with someone because in the first place you will never reached that far if there is nothing special happening. As much as possible I really love to help people in need, no matter how hectic my schedule is I'm always ready to offer help, well sometimes I might complain behind their back but It doesn't mean they are bothering me. I'm just a human being, complaining is in our nature.
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