Ephemeral

June 30, 2012. This is one of the saddest day of my life. Imagine yourself standing alone on someone's graveyard,no name carved on it, having no idea whose grave it is but felt like Losing something very important, as if a part of you was gone or sucked out... this feeling of pain which is unbearable like a thousand needles piercing your heart, Is what i'm feeling right now.

How would you feel after having something you could ever wish for but suddenly disappeared in thin air?

I don't want to absorb this feeling of losing something its too painful, I don't want to burst out crying out of the blue. I keep on telling myself that it's just life, we should learn... but it's hard. So i kept on lying, lying to myself to feel better, it worked but then truth won't stop chasing me, I wanted to yell at it " I KNOW. I KNOW ITS MY FAULT. so can you please stop chasing me?" but how could I?

I've experienced failure a lot of times when will I ever taste success? When will this misfortunes end? I think I've done something really bad to deserve this but what is it? I have so many questions in mind, but why can't anyone answer it? UGGHHH I want to yell at the world, why are you so cruel to me?? wasn't my best enough? but that would sound stupid. All this rhetorical questions is leading me no where, i can't even answer it myself. I'm so stupid, if only I've chosen it wisely then this wouldn't have happen. Now i'm going to live my life bitterly, thinking about this huge mistake i made, regretting EVERY.SINGLE.MOMENT remembering it while knowing its existence which was ephemeral. I can never consider this as learning, but I still accepted the fact that i lost it, accepting it, is the only thing you can do to act more mature like but learning from it is out of the question.

On this day onward , I'm going to have a new goal, and I will earn it. In this way, it will heal the pain that I've been feeling today and this is the only way to make it up from my past mistakes. God Bless me.