Yesterday, I acted like a kid, I mean literally :)) I couldn't stop nagging around my classmates because I really wanted to have a picture with the cosplayers especially with kakashi since I Idolize him so much in anime.

Donna, annoyed by my nagging or maybe pitied me due to my unfortunate happenings the other day, decided to help me look for Lee (ze cameraman) so that I could have a picture with the cosplayers. So when we found him. I grabbed him immediately and asked him to take a picture with each one of the cosplayers with me .After accomplishing ze task, I was really happy that explains why I got that huge smile on my face XD I was also expecting for a Sasuke cosplayer but I guess he was too cool to be cosplayed by someone who is not worthy HAHA.

So i bet it turned out to be a wonderful day :D

 I was 100% sure that i passed the exam and I get to clear some misunderstandings with someone :D How i wish this will happen to me everyday~

Anyway Just a while ago, I found an old video and then I saw this someone with someone haha that was kinda awkward xD knowing that they are no longer together. I wanted to know what happened behind that scene since his  face was so serious lol Why so serious? :)) [no this is not you :P XD]

Qoutes.

That moment when you talk about good stuff yesterday and the exact opposite happens the next day :/

Ooooh :3 It's a one hella tiring daay.  I wonder if today is going to be brighter than yesterday which was a little bit gloomy. Gaaah, looking for some people who can handle my mood swings lol -__- and where I can express everything? badly need someone :/ where I can go and hang out with and buy lots and lots and lots of stuffs to eat XD Maybe after exams today imma go invite someone, maybe Ayna. Just one happy moment  to get rid of this heavy feeling T____T or maybe I'll just end up sleeping today :3 Confused on what to do~ @______________@ ~  What should I do? haha sorry for my random rant. I don't have anyone to talk to, everyone seems so busy with stuffs and I'm so busy procrastinating.

OH EM GEE I CAN NO LONGER CONTAIN THIS FEELING ANYMORE.

I hate it.

I hate your friends. They piss me off in every possible way.

How can they manage to act so fake around you? Ohh, how I want to get rid of them from your life. It makes me feel sad how they all act so nice in front of us. I wanted you to be happy, if only I can erase all those terrible memories and let me fill them with happy ones then I'll be satisfied :) but I can't. I can't just simply ask you to forget about them that would be selfish of me. All i can do for now is to make you really happy that would bury all those bad memories about them. I know it's easy for you to ignore them, but I just can't accept the way they are acting so childishly, blaming every single fault to you. It piss me off.

*sigh* Why do i always have this feeling that I'm missing something? That i'm still not contented on what i already have? GAAAH >___< i'm always feeling mad this past few weeks, i don't know if my period causes me to act this way but I can no longer contain this feeling anymore. It feels like I want to distance myself from society or cry myself to sleep. I hate carrying this heavy feeling T____T

Ephemeral

June 30, 2012. This is one of the saddest day of my life. Imagine yourself standing alone on someone's graveyard,no name carved on it, having no idea whose grave it is but felt like Losing something very important, as if a part of you was gone or sucked out... this feeling of pain which is unbearable like a thousand needles piercing your heart, Is what i'm feeling right now.

How would you feel after having something you could ever wish for but suddenly disappeared in thin air?

I don't want to absorb this feeling of losing something its too painful, I don't want to burst out crying out of the blue. I keep on telling myself that it's just life, we should learn... but it's hard. So i kept on lying, lying to myself to feel better, it worked but then truth won't stop chasing me, I wanted to yell at it " I KNOW. I KNOW ITS MY FAULT. so can you please stop chasing me?" but how could I?

I've experienced failure a lot of times when will I ever taste success? When will this misfortunes end? I think I've done something really bad to deserve this but what is it? I have so many questions in mind, but why can't anyone answer it? UGGHHH I want to yell at the world, why are you so cruel to me?? wasn't my best enough? but that would sound stupid. All this rhetorical questions is leading me no where, i can't even answer it myself. I'm so stupid, if only I've chosen it wisely then this wouldn't have happen. Now i'm going to live my life bitterly, thinking about this huge mistake i made, regretting EVERY.SINGLE.MOMENT remembering it while knowing its existence which was ephemeral. I can never consider this as learning, but I still accepted the fact that i lost it, accepting it, is the only thing you can do to act more mature like but learning from it is out of the question.

On this day onward , I'm going to have a new goal, and I will earn it. In this way, it will heal the pain that I've been feeling today and this is the only way to make it up from my past mistakes. God Bless me.

Just a part of me.

i'm tired of comparing myself to others. It always sets me in a very bad mood. I wanted to be myself, but I just can't stop worrying or over think about stuffs that I really don't want to happen. I'm too insecure and I know that every one is not perfect but with this fears interfering my emotions It will never stop haunting me. that's why every single thing that I see when someone changes is a big thing, a huge impact to my life. For some reason having this personality gave me this habit of helping others. Since, I never wanted to see someone get hurt or any relationship to fall apart,after having experience and knowing the feeling of being hurt.Seeing someone suffering always reminds me of myself and it will rewind all those painful memories that happened to me before. Relationships should be treasured especially with the bonds you created with someone because in the first place you will never reached that far if there is nothing special happening. As much as possible I really love to help people in need, no matter how hectic my schedule is I'm always ready to offer help, well sometimes I might complain behind their back but It doesn't mean they are bothering me. I'm just a human being, complaining is in our nature.

TIE!?

CRAAAP! I was really expecting that I could have a much more better grade than him, but unfortunately it turned out to be a tie, FUUUU >____< but anyway, I'm still happy that i got a good grade this summer unlike last semester which was hellish, hoping for this semester to be the same as this summer so that i won't be left behind by my block mates which i already am. Well good luck to me, AJA!

pffffft. posting pictures in every sites :3

zxcvbnm

I'm starting to turn into a monster, I'm acting more like a female now, having mood swings and bipolar shits >_____< I'm also getting very emotional over minor stuff, I used to be strong ya know doesn't easily waver on dramatic scenes, oh gahd. What kind of sorcery is this!? I should try controlling my emotions from now on, i bet its starting to get overboard. I think I already pissed a lot of people -.-

Confusing people ish confusing.

I don't know why but its so hard to impress everyone else, I'm not saying i want everybody to like me but I just don't want anyone to look at me as a very boring person. I can't do anything though because this is who I am, if they choose to leave me than i don't give a damn.

Heart Rate.

How many lies must I hide?
How many secrets kept inside?
I want to tell them all to you
But I can't risk losing your precious touch

To say, 'Please just don't leave me here'
Selfish pleadings of my fear
Only with you I feel at home
There's nowhere else my mind can be truly at peace

Like waves, these feelings flow and rise, so tender
Sharing this bliss with you is all I want, but...
Can you feel it? I wonder, so silently I pray, so quiet--
I long to understand meanings beyond us
Moments you can't pass, just once in a lifetime
Just grant me this moment and listen to the pulse of my life

My heart beats just for you, every breath that I take
I'm aware of your presence, our lives are surely joined as one
But these things I'm too afraid to admit; I fear losing you
But I just want you to know, I'll love you for eternity

To feel your hand holding mine
To feel your lips against mine
To know our love transcends time
So many things that make this small life glow warm

My tears caressed by your love
Butterfly kisses float away
Everything I've lost and now found
I can find this all given in your warm embrace

Moments so precious, I don't want to let go
Reliving tales of the past in our gazes
I'll never let you go, through thick and thin this I shall promise, I promise
So hold onto my hand, let's stay together
I'm not quite sure what the meaning of fate is
Despite it all this happiness is surely unchanging

With this heartbeat in my chest, I only want to keep you safe
That is my reason to live, and I need nothing else
This same heart repeats, beating a steady melody
And that's when I recognize, we've found each other once again

Until one day when I fall, I've come to wonder to myself
If I keep murmuring 'love,' how many will I come to say?
Just for you being here, I can't be quite thankful enough
And for you being alive, I will cry my tears of thanks

My heart beats just for you, every breath that I take
I'm aware of your presence, our lives are surely joined as one
But these things I'm too afraid to admit; I fear losing you
But I just want you to know, I'll love you for eternity

Realization.

I like to watch humans when they are at its limit.

It's when they would realize their biggest mistakes, Right now I've been seeing the most of it lately. Felt like I knew the whole story from both sides that I'm so confused on what to do that I chose to do nothing but listen.

My Friends.

Sometimes they act childish, loves to bully me around and always makes me laugh, they do get on my nerves but I just don't have the guts to stay mad at them. They are family to me and I just can't live without them, and it already pains a lot seeing them fighting right now with this hatred in their hearts.

What I learned from this fight is that human do change, there are times when they would completely forget the good memories and be devoured by their hatred, times where they would talk bad things behind your back and spill all the deepest darkest secrets which was promised not to do so [betrayal] , times when no one would lower their pride because trusting each other is no longer present and times when you have to choose which friends you should go with and be completely separated....

BUT

This would also result into a realization of the importance of our friendship although it would take a while for some to realize but as long as the meaning of this realization is still their then there is nothing to be afraid of, although for me it would be nostalgic but i have to cling on myself in believing that this would still work and this is for the BEST.

I won't let this happen.

I can't accept the fact that you believe in him without consulting us first T_T you don't know the whole story, in fact he is one of those people who thinks you're like that and turning your back as if we are just nothing to you hurts a lot more than you do. Why can't you just think it over rather than giving up? I understand how hard this situation is for you but if you can't accept a very minor thing about you, do you think you can build a stronger bond in a relationship? NO. Friends are there to tell you what your flaws are because we don't want to look fake in front of you, if your wondering why we haven't told you anything it's because we need the right time to do so, it's not that easy you know? we can't just tell you frankly because it would be a huge risk to lose you, but i guess its already too late for us after that fucking son of a bitch blabber it all. So please, give us a chance to explain everything don't hide or run not knowing the real REASON. If you think no one cared, that's not true because we really do care about you, you're one of our cute, noisy, happy-go-lucky friend and without you this friendship won't be like it is used to be.

and to the guy who spilled it all I KNOW WHAT YOU DID THERE,  your real purpose is so fucking obvious trying to win her heart again huh? FUCK YOUUU! >< after all those bullshit you said to them behind her back, you still have the guts to ruin our friendship? This i'll tell you NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE OUR BOND STRONGER AND NO CAN EVER BREAK IT, NO ONE! This is too much to let go so easily *sigh*

T________________________T
 *fucking blog's music box makes me go teary eyes~ nyuu ._.*

Happiness and Regrets.

If only I waited.
If only I waited patiently then I wouldn't have thought of any regrets today,
But I didn't...
Now I have to suffer, happiness is already there.. reaching out its hand, I wanted to grab it but regrets is pulling me back,
I don't want to taint happiness with regrets that's what I've thought if ever I am with it, so I chose to stay as I watch happiness waiting for me to grab its hand..
What do you think I should do? Let regrets imprison me? or join happiness although regrets is hiding within me?